try.

So autocorrect changed the title and I decided to stick with it. Sorry I haven't updated recently. Life has been a whirlwind of activity and emotion. Umm...we'll start with Grams. She's doing as good as can be expected given the circumstances. They installed the port for dialysis and then had some issues with it. Luckily those were taken care of in time. Right now its a battle against time. If the dialysis doesn't help the way it should ahe doesn't have very much longer. If it does doctors say she has a maximum of two years, but we're hoping they're wrong on the maximum part.  She's back in the hospital for now and we'll see where that leads. They should be transferring her back to rehab tomorrow. With that being said, I am actually moving in with Mom to help take care of her. Its going to be rough, but its a necessary move. Ma can't do it all on her own and my schedule aligns with hers to be of some use. It will also, hopefully, relieve some of the tension here. I'll get the basment apartment for me and Anakin so we'll have our own space. Ma will be right there to spend more time with him and if all goes well we will be able to have a mother/daughter relationship. This is something I have not allowed in the past because of resentment and anger. Age and experience has shown me that she did the best she could in raiaing us. She's a strong woman that has been through a lot, including having to deal with the knowledge of everything her kids went through while she was working to make ends meet.  Other than that I don't really know what to say this night...its been exhausting. I've lost my best friend. Well, walked away because of some horrible habits she is picking up and will not drop. She refuses to see an issue with the pattern she has been following over the past few years. Its all ups and downs and no middle ground because of the choices she is making. While it hurts, I had to walk away. I can't let the things she is choosing to do put my family in any danger. All it would take would be me visiting at the wrong time and I could lose my son should others find out what she's doing. I can not and will not take that risk for anyone. Not even her. Oh, and while we're on here I guess I can update you about what is going on with my Dad. No charges have been filed yet and I'm beginning to wonder if I jumped to conclusions because of my past. He just seems so normal. Still calls to check in on us, hasn't mentioned the investigation though he's heard about it. The other day the oldest of the girls came forward. I don't believe they're lying. I just don't know what to do. Anakin loves him so much...my Dad is a lot of things, but it is very hard to believe that he could be that...he called today and asked what has been going on because I've been so distant. I'm so tired and couldn't bring myself to ask the questions I have. Couldn't bear to even begin that conversation when my heart is in such turmoil over it all...so instead I lied, and I am admitting that here to you all. I told him everything going on here was so time consuming I just hadn't been able to call like I used to. It's partly true, but my conscience is heavy because I know its not the true reason I haven't been calling. Anyways, as I said, there's a whirlwind of things going on over here. Its a lot to take in at once, especially top of work and being a Mom. But we're surround by good loving people that help out in any way they can. Still going strong even through the turmoil. I firmly believe God will not give you more than you can handle and He has provided me and Anakin with everything we have truly needed every step of the way. Hard as it is sometimes, I am holding on to my faith and trusting that my God will see me through in the right direction. This leads me into one final topic. Over the years I have had my shares of ups and downs. Every time I have been down I have clung to my faith and have come out better. Then during the good times I felt strong enough to take on the world with my own two hands. This has always been my downfall, where things turn bad. From here on out I will strive to keep my faith alive in good and bad. Not to only pray when I am weak, but also to praise when I am strong. Hopefully my faith will not offend any of my readers, and I will try not to rub it in anyones facez, I believe each person has the right to their own beliefs and opinions.  I just wanted to share this newest of ateps along my journey. Wishing you all well and hopefully will be back to update more soon!