Hmmm...

I'm laying here tonight with so many thoughts on my mind...but I lay here listening to the rain as it drums against the windowpane and there is a sense of deep wonder on my mind...see, I have this question for you all. Have you ever met someone so profound, so different from all you've ever known, that they shake you down to the core of your very being? Like, as you stand before them you feel as if your very soul is bare, open, vulnerable and at the same  time stronger than it has ever been before?  See, I have met someone like that recently. That is not the topic of this post though. I'm talking about the way meeting someone like that makes you feel. It's like the best and worst is brought out in you all at the same time. Like you question everything you've held on to for so long. It's like taking a leap of faith and throwing caution to the wind. Someone like that awakens this deep longing, this sense of your life being unfulfilled. And it makes you wonder. Am I who I think I am, am I living life to the fullest. Is the path I have chosen the right one for me? Is this all some crazy part of God's plan or am I in too deep, thinking too much.  When you meet someone so profound they make you question your very core, the center of your being, your whole world shifts off center. Do you walk away keeping your burdens near, or do you jump and pray you can learn how to fly? I chose to jump. Right now I suppose I'm in limbo. Just floating through and trying to figure it all out. Suspended in time and wondering if this new world is gonna fall. It's a deep time, and it's been weighing on my mind all night. Even Norah Jones and rain against the window hasn't been able to distract me. I mean, we're talking about a major life change here. And it makes you wonder. Since taking that leap of faith, since the jump, I've never felt more complete. Even now laying here, typing this out on my phone. My world hasn't changed much on the outside. I still do the things I do. I feel like the change has been in my heart. I let go of the past. Finally. I still think about it all, but it doesn't hurt anymore.There will always be some trickle of sadness, and this I have come to accept. But I feel as if I have truly moved on. I...searching for the right word...I guess you can say I reorganized my priorities. Prioritized. Changed up a few things. It has brought me a lot closer to my family over the past few weeks. I've realized the things that are truly important to me. And I've started clinging to those things. I can't really put a name or word or whatever to it. I just feel like I've become, and am on the path to becoming, a better person as a whole. You know, not even two weeks ago I was lost. I honestly felt like I was in a maze. Is this right, is that wrong, should this decision be made, should I walk away from that. It was like a damn battle.  That is the only way I know how to explain. Then, suddenly, comes along this person that has been through so much, is so different amd yet so profoundly aure of life. I mean...I know I'm not making any sense. I guess I'm just still trying to figure it out myself.  When you meet someone like that your whole view of life, perspective. That is the word I have been searching for. My perspextive about life has changed completely. I know others can tell. So many people have already noticed the change in me, and the change isn't even complete. Who knows if it ever will be, but it started in the blink of an eye. My world shifted, my eyes opened and I feel so complete. So at peace. Sure of the decisions I am making.  This is such a new feeling for me. It's new and wild and overwhelming yet so calm and right and just...complete. That's the word I think of when I look back on everything that has happened the past few weeks: complete. Yes I still have goals and dreams and a purpose in my life. It's just that life itself has this newfound meaning, like this whole other dimension of my soul has awakened amd opened it's eyes to a bramd new day filled with unimaginable possibilities. And there's passion for life, ambition to move forward, motivation to take those first steps, drive to complete those goals, to acheive those dreams...I hope and I pray that I can be so profound as to change someone's life in such a positive way as this person changed mine. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't yet know the reason I met this person. I'm just hoping that its not for a reason or season, but for a lifetime. Nothing but good has come from this so far. The changes that have taken place in my life have left me feeling complete, true to myself, and spectacular. Let's pray that this change is never complete because I've never changed so much in such a short time and I've never felt better than I do in this very moment...yes, meeting someone so profound they shake you to the core...it's quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me besides becoming a parent. Now my hand is falling asleep and I think it's time for this rain to lull me into a true and hopefully deep sleep. Goodnight all (really good morning). I hope y'alls day begins and ends in a wonderfully spectacular way.