Overwhelming

Guys...I don't even know how to say all of this. And that says something because I can generally put it all out there while typing/writing.
Lets start with the personal life stuff. Recently there have been a few changes. Someone I've known for a while recently showed a different kind of interest in me. And it's weird. He's one of my closest friends, we hang out every now and then. Then all of the sudden we were kissing and...other things. Now we haven't slept together so please don't think that. It's just different. When we're around each other he's holding my hand or wrapping his arms around me or kissing the top of my head. He came out to lunch the other day just to see me, didn't even eat. We can chill and hang out, then we're alone for two seconds and its like electricity between us. I have no clue where it's going. His words and actions are opposite if you get what I mean. He doesn't really say sweet things, has never told me I'm beautiful but tells me I'm hot instead, and any time he's asked he says he doesn't know his intentions. But his actions are so confusing. Either way, I'm not ready for a relationship so I'm just going to leave it as it is. I have no intentions, no expectations. I just enjoy the time I get with him and I'm leaving it there.
Then there's a guy that's been an acquaintance for about two years. A conversation was turned deep the other day. It was about views on love and relationships and fears, etc. Since then we have talked every day. But it's like I'm paranoid. Every male that talks to me, I wonder if they're going to hurt me, what their intentions are, how they'll get close just to crush my soul. Now I know this is because of everything that has happened. See, I finally faced the issues I was having over my love. And what I found out shattered my already broken heart. It will take time to heal, and I know this. I don't want to make others pay for someone else's mistakes, but I find it hard to trust anyone that shows an interest other than friendship in me. I just feel cold. Like I'm afraid to let anyone near me for fear of being hurt.

Now on to other things. I have been helping my brother and his roommates a lot. And it has even draining me emotionally and financially. I know that I need to stop but I have no idea how. I'm so not used to saying no. But what else should I do? I feel horrible if I say no when I'm technically capable of doing something. But it's so exhausting and just...draining. I tend to take on as much as I possibly can until I'm completely overwhelmed and freak out. I actually ended up having a panic attack the other night because everything hit me all at once. It terrified me and I thank God that my best friend was called to come calm me down. I have to stop this. Right now I've already got too much on my plate and I need to breathe. I can't though. There's so much that needs to be done, so much ongoing emotional turmoil and on top of all that there is a lot of stress on our family right now.

Which leads me into our next subject. Grandma is home. Tonight was hard. I knew that this would be hard but I guess I was hoping she would come home and be just fine. She's not though. Tonight alone I have had to help her sit and stand several times, pushed her through a restaurant in a wheelchair which was quite the different experience, helped her use the restroom (and I will not go into details out of respect for her). It's very hard to see her like this. She has no pride anymore. And the pain shows in her eyes. We all try to make light of the situation while holding back tears. Find the humor in every sad situation, right? But it's hard it's emotionally draining. I watched my Daddy go through this. I dealt with the pain of watching him slowly deteriorate over time. It got harder every day. Now Mom and I are going through it with Grams. This time it's worse though. She needs more help than he ever did. And I'm trying not to compare the two experiences but I can't help see my Daddy's face every time she looks at me with those pain filled eyes. I try not to show my emotion to her, keep the spirit light. I'm sad though. She can't do anything on her own if it involves and level of strength in her legs...I don't know. I don't really have the words to as it all so I'm going to just go spend time with her for now...