Love.

"...and above all things is love."

For those of you that know me personally, I'm going to ask you not to talk about this to others; only me. I hope that you can understand.

Today I am sad. Overwhelmingly so. Seeing the soul crusher again opened my eyes to reality. It made me think and use logic and listen to my heart. I left the guy I've been seeing for a couple months. Nothing went wrong. He's still wonderful. He taught me a lot. Most of it as my friend, some of it while we were more. I liked him. A lot. He's kind, caring and maybe a little immature. But he has a heart of gold. I left though because I know what I want from my life. I know where I want to go. My hopes, dreams, where I see myself in the future. He's not ready for all of that. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him. It simply means he's not ready. And maybe he would have been if I had given it time and let it grow. Maybe not. Regardless. I have someone in my life that is ready. That has been waiting for me. And a chance is more than what he deserves. He has stood by me through thick and thin, no matter how bad I have hurt him. It's not magic and fireworks and this perfect dream. But it is real. Of that I am certain. And while I may be sad now, I know I can be happy in the future. I'm going to struggle. I'm going to wonder. And he understands. You know; I never doubted what was between me and the guy I walked away from. And that made walking away hard. Even harder was seeing him so sad. Hearing in his voice the hurt. I don't know how to explain it to him. I'm tired of the unknown. With Country Boy I know he will always be there. He will always love me and do what is best for me and my baby. He will help me and be there. He understands my crazy and deals with it well. You know the crazy thing? The guy I walked away from? He doesn't understand (though he doesn't know my decision to go back to Country Boy) my reasons. It's all very logical really. And he's all about some logic. I know now that love isn't all about romance and magic and wonder. It's a decision every day. It's a lot of work. But I think it will be worth it. My heart says that that has to be enough. So I'm going to try. I'm going to be there. I am going to make this work because it's the right thing to do. It's something I know can last forever.