My Universe

I'm angry with people today. My whole world has stopped. Everything came crashing to a halt when we brought Grandma back up here. But nobody else seems to care. The people I hold closest to my heart. Their lives are still going like a normal day. But mine? My day has been miserable. She won't eat, blood pressure is still sky high, dialysis port is infected, she has pneumonia, blood sugar high enough to put her in a diabetic coma. Need I say more? Yet those people who have said they'll be there aren't. They're out living their lives. They aren't sitting in a hospital room watching her every breath. They aren't praying with every fiber of their being that this isn't the end. They aren't meeting each new nurse with suspicion and hope. No ma'am, no sir. They're working, visiting other friends, going about their normal day. Who am I to blame them? Its not their Grandma. Its not their Uncle's tears to wipe away. Its not their mother taking turns at sleeping in a shitty hospital recliner chair. No...no this is my world. My universe. And it feels like its caving in around me. You can look in our eyes and all the unspoken fear is there. "Is this it?" "Has the end come near?" "Will she make it out this time?" "Why isn't she eating?" "Has she given up?" She just keeps telling us that she wants to go home. We say she has to eat to get better and she says she doesn't care. Nurses bustling in and out, questions hanging in the air. Its overwhelming despair. Its not like she's in ICU, we're only a little over 12 hrs here. Why haven't they got her blood pressure down? Why is her blood sugar so high? The questions go on and on...for now there is a bright spot. A friend is near. Taking time out of their crazy day to stop in for a bit. Life...in room 20 with the open door...