:)

I fell apart last night ladies and gentlemen. Completely fell apart...I mean ugly tears and sobs and all. I was a mess. More so than I have ever been in my life. I got some news about my Grandmother being rushed back to the hospital. The outlook is grim. Six months to two years. Nobody really knows but the doctors said a maximum of two years...with this news everything I've been ignoring hit me. It was like I could physically feel my heart shattering, breaking into so many pieces over so many different things. I couldn't breathe, couldn't stop the tears from flowing. It was a miracle I made it through the night. I literally felt like I was hollow inside. Like every emotion had left and I was just empty yet full of sorrow at the same time. Every fiber of my being was crying out, screaming for mercy. Even my son couldn't make me smile, and that's saying something. He kept wiping my tears away and asking me why I was sad. That just broke my heart even more. I ended up drinking the equivalent of a full bottle of Moscato, and for a little bit was relieved from the tears. My sons Dad picked him up when we got up to the hospital and then I went in to see Grams who was asking for me. I can't even begin to explain how hard it is for me to watch her go through all of this. Laying there in bed she barely even recognized me, though she had been asking for me moments before. She was talking about things that had happened twenty years ago, incoherently babbling sometimes. It was rough. But. By the time they got her into her own room she was awake again. She was laughing and joking, back to being my Grams. Today we got the messages from the doctors and yet again, all we can do is spend as much time with her as possible and pray. I came home last night instead of spending the night up there like usual. Was able to sleep after a while and woke up feeling better. Sometimes you need to fall apart completely to be able to put yourself back together. I was kind of groggy when I woke up and then decided it was time to do something. So....I cleaned the entire apartment from top to bottom. And then, my friend came home and we decided to rearrange the whole apartment! It's crazy how much we're alike and she'll never know how good of a friend she is to me. Other than that I'm not really sure what to say. It's been a rough week but I'm okay again, I still have hope. I not gonna share the rest of what's happened on here. Just know that I'm doing better and for now that's what matters. Each day, each minute, one moment at a time. Remember the small things, be grateful for every blessing no matter how small. :)