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It feels like day two but it isn't...this morning was rough. Before I go into all of that though, I'd like to take a moment to let people know that this will be an unedited version of all that I am going through. The hurt, anger, details of incidents, etc will be raw and unfiltered. I will make sure to put emphasis on the good too though :) anywho, back to this morning...after not sleeping all night it was very difficult to handle my son this morning. He's quite the handful at times, and make no mistake, I love him with all that I am. Today he got into everything he possibly could. I realized my patience wears thin very quickly after these restless nights, and that is something I vow to change. Some days, those like the one experienced today, I feel like a horrible mother. I feel inadequate to give him the love he so desperately needs and wants because I am too weak to deal with my own issues. Now, I know I am a good mother. My son never goes without, he always has a home and he knows he is loved. But days like today when he screams over everything and does anything possible to push my buttons, I wonder if it is his way of venting well deserved anger at all I have put him through in his two short years on this earth. I ripped his family apart with one conversation. I lost the only home he had known because I couldn't afford it, and the the car broke down as well. Guess who couldn't afford to fix it? Haha...in the end, I know my son loves me. I'm praying that this journey brings us closer together and helps me soothe some of his anger. He is after all, my one and only, my purpose for living. It was a miracle that I was able to have him. He is my lighthouse persay :) when all his is dark, and I'm completely lost, I remember him and his shining light brings me back to reality.

I had a conversation this morning with a very special friend of mine. For the first time I put into words the reasons I am on this journey, this is not verbatim but it's the gist of it. (Hope you don't mind me sharing part of our conversation love). "I look at myself and all I see are the scars from being beaten. I see my face in the mirror and I hear the words of my past haunting me, telling me I'm not enough." I will not be this woman anymore. I am strong. I will accept my weakness and faults, but I will also fully  embrace my strengths.  I have these good days, where I'm happy and outgoing and bubbling over with  personality. I feel beautiful and graceful and sexy, as any woman should feel. I am a lady (at least when not behind closed doors, haha). I care about people. It is my mission in life to find at least one person, to touch someone's life, and to let them know they are not alone. That mission begins here though. It begins with fixing the broken parts inside of me first. Welcome to my world :) some days it resembles a hippie festival with frolicking, music, laughter and joy. Most of all love. Some days it resembles a nightmare with memories, sleepless nights and a lot you'll see as this continues. In the end though, I want more frolicking...