Healing.

I don't really know what to say here. I mean, the title really says it all. My last post was hard to put out there. I've never shared so much. And that's not all my past. Most of the memories are locked away. My therapist once told me thy were buried. It was a coping mechanism to survive. Sometimes, they come back to the surface. Nightmares, flashbacks, etc. It's not easy to deal with but I have done research and came across this passage that has helped me through. "That which our minds and bodies have protected us from surface when we are able to handle it, even if we think the timing couldn't be worse and we will never survive the impact. The new, painful information and all that accompanies it allows us deeper insight into who we are and how we arrived where we find ourselves. That insight, the internal puzzle pieces as they fit together, carries us through the pain and confusion we feel and allows us to heal. The mind which protected you, once freed from that responsibility, will mend you.”  
When those memories resurface I remember that it is just me healing. I still seek help. I still seek support. But it is much easier to bear now. Plus, I'd much rather have flashbacks than have a multiple personality disorder. Just saying. My brain hid things instead of breaking apart to deal with what I went through. I've accepted this, and will continue to grow and heal as my soul sees fit. It is a process, no matter what you've been through. Healing is a continual part of life. Without experiencing bad, how can you appreciate the good. And I'm no longer talking about my specific life, I'm talking about life in general. It is a beautiful thing. If I have learned nothing else in my 21 years, it is this: it doesn't matter where you came from, what you've been through, or what you've done. All that matters is who you choose to be every moment of the present day. 
It's not always easy, I'll be the first to attest to that. Here's something I learned at a business seminar of all places. A man up on stage put one dollar in his hand and held it over the crowd. He made a fist around it. The he said "this dollar is your money, but it is also your heart. It is your pain, it is your joy, it is your life." From there several people tried to add dollars to his hand but they couldn't because his hand was fisted. Someone from the audience asked him why he was holding on so tightly to a dollar bill. This made him smile. "Good question," he said. "If I hold onto this dollar, if I hold on to only what I have. How can I receive more?" He then opened his hand and allowed the others to contribute to it. When all contributors had crossed the stage he began laughing. They had placed so many dollars in his outstretched hand that he could not hold them all. "My cup runneth over. I have more than I can hold. The rest is spilling over to those around me (meaning the audience). My dollar is still there. The foundation of my other wealth. Had I not opened my hand though, it would be all I still have. Instead, I have been given plenty to share." 
That demonstration has stuck with me through the years. Really think about it. I come from a past of pain. But it has built a foundation of compassion for others. Through learning to open up my heart, which is still an every day process, I have received so much love that I can share it with others. Yes, the pain is still there. It just makes me appreciate the beauty of everything else that much more though. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you begin to truly heal.