Today.

         

Today I am not spectacular. Today I am defeated. The tears won't come, the pain is screaming, the anger is lashing out. But really, what does it all matter? I'm numb. There's so much emotion that emotion itself has stopped being. I wanna scream, hit something, curl into a ball and cry, laugh hysterically for no reason. Instead I'm smoking a cigarette, typing on here, as if the words I'm typing don't even register to me. So much weight on my shoulders I don't even feel like holding my head up. My fmily is in shambles. Hell, my life is in shambles. Had something good, feel like I screwed it up. Had a savings started for my apartment, the whole damn thing is gone. car situation obviously didn't work out. So pissed at my Dad it's unbelievable, yet still wondering what I'm gonna do on Christmas besides sitting where ever I'm living, alone. Everything is everywhere, and it's crazy. It's chaos. It's entirely too much all at once Two steps forward, three steps back. Push a little harder, falling flat on my ass. Then I wonder, how can I fall on my ass, not my face. Oh yea, because life said "take this!" Haha. I'll be alright, but to tonight, misery is my company. Oh, sweet misery. Haha, that's from a Pink song. I'm gettin off here y'all. I'll be better tomorrow. Promise. Just remember, I'm sharing the good, bad and ugly. It's is that ugly side of me...